I know, I know. It’s a big question for one little blog post. And I obviously won’t cover it comprehensively. But there is one aspect of love that I have been thinking about quite a lot lately. To “love” someone well, does it mean that you must agree with them, affirm their perspective on the truth, or celebrate their choices?

In today’s cultural climate, we are often told that to differ is to discriminate; to have differing standards is to hate. “Don’t be a hater!” If you have teens in your life, you’ve probably heard this one. I know I certainly have!

Whether we’re talking about drugs, sexual exploits, or criminal choices, I am not a hater. I’m actually a LOVER. I am a lover of my kids, their friends, my community, and this heart-broken world. In fact, I love the young folks in my life enough to speak the truth to them. “Yep, you can obviously make that choice to — insert your own particulars — smoke pot, have the sexual discrimination of an alley cat, play on the edges of a criminal life, or whatever else.” But because you can’t see around those corners, young one, I’d love to fill you in on what that choice today might mean for you tomorrow.

As adults, and especially as parents, it’s pretty easy to see that helping young folks to make healthy choices is love, not hate. But what about in the context of the broader world? Is it ok to say, “I don’t think this is healthy for me, for my community, or for our society? “

What if we’re talking about sexual boundaries, in particular? I personally think that the healthiest society is one in which sex is held sacred within the life-long covenant between one man and one woman. (I realize that this is an increasingly unpopular view these days, so bear with me!) Someone else thinks that my outdated values are stifling and repressive. They want any and every conceivable configuration of sexual relationship to be just as honored as the next.

OK, so we’re (in theory) a democratic society. That means that in the end, I have my say, you have yours, we tally the votes and go with the will of the majority. I can certainly live with that. But to still be loving, do I have to love it? Again, this is a big topic in a small space, but let’s go back to the original question, “What is love?”

We’ve probably all heard the famous lines from 1 Corinthians 13, defining love for us. “Love is patient, love is kind…” I think that when we hear this passage read at weddings, it’s so familiar we sometimes just kind of phase it out. But let’s skip down to verse 6 and look more closely. “Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.” Can I love you without rejoicing in a particular part of how you live your life?

If I think about in the context of raising teenagers, I can give a resounding, “Yes!” I definitely don’t agree with some of their choices, yet I DEFINITELY still love them. Extrapolating from teens to neighbors, co-workers, and the rest of the world, I think it’s still quite possible. We can disagree without hating each other. Really.

And so I just want to say it. LOUD AND CLEAR. I may not agree with you. But I still love you. The two are incredibly compatible. And anyone who says that in order to accept someone — to really, truly love them — you must accept, and even celebrate something that you believe is actually harmful to this person whom you love…? Well, I respectfully, and lovingly disagree.